Slavic Honey

Posted on Mon Sep 25th, 2023 @ 2:37am by Lieutenant Commander Natalya Chornovil

1,365 words; about a 7 minute read

Mission: Season 1, Episode 1: Wanted: A Few Brave Men
Location: Sickbay

Well, the time had finally come for Natalya to report in for her physical. Like with Commander Vincent's potato salad, Natalya was going to make a fresh gift for the doctor. The only trouble was that she didn't know what to make, and had thought long and hard on the matter. The mead was still a couple months out from distribution, Kvass, while easier to make, was a bit of an acquired taste, and there certainly wasn't enough strawberries to make Babushka's (Grandmother's) strawberry jam, so Natalya had decided to make the doctor some Kompot. It was a nice non-alcoholic beverage, which kept suspicions down from the top, easily prepared, and most importantly, the most accessible slavic beverage in Natalya's opinion.

With a jar of Kompot in hand, Natalya made her way down to sickbay, and when she arrived, she noticed the loud music blaring. Whatever it was, it certainly was not the rhythms of Hardbass music that Natalya moved to.

"What is this сміття? (smittya, garbage?)" Natalya demanded aloud. "Is certainly not Hardbass!"

To say the music was loud was an understatement. It easily drown out any voice, even shouted. At least so it was to the ears of Doctor Heather Honey as she danced in the middle of sick bay. She was so pleased that her sickbay had been cleaned up that she had wired her music into the comm system for sick at and had maxed out the settings, allowing for the loudest sound amplification possible on the station. Red Alerts were quieter.

And so Heather danced, totally unaware that anyone else was around.

When nobody answered her over the music, Natalya located the source of the music and went over to it, switching the music from whatever garbage was playing to real gopnik music: Hardbass.

Briefly jamming to the music, Natalya turned the volume down to a point where speech could be heard.

"If you're going to blast music louder than Red Alert, do yourself favor and blast real music!" Natalya exclaimed.

"Hey!" Heather said as soon as her music was changed to whatever noise the intruder had put on. "That's my jams!" She put her hands on her hips and glared. "Who are you to change my tunes?"

"Comrade, security has received several noise complaints coming from this deck." Natalya explained, making her position known. "If you're not going to listen to real music, at least try and comply with noise ordinances, yes?"

"Noise ordinances?" Heather repeated in shock at the very idea. Of course people had complained before, but she'd never heard of a Noise Ordinance in place on a starbase before. "Are you saying my music is too loud?"

"Lieutenant, if the music is louder than red alert klaxons, is too loud." Natalya said. "But, consider today your lucky day, as I am not here on security business. Now, if you could just point me to who the doctor is around here, we can get my physical done and out of the way."

A most devilish smirk appeared on Heather's face. It wasn't bad enough that she had her music insulted, but now she had the security chief in her hands. A physical, huh? Well she could make this interesting.

"Well, hate to break it to you, but I'm the doctor, and I ain't no bumpkin either," she smirked even more menacingly. "Now we can do you're physical, if you want."

"Well shit, sorry for making assumption:" Natalya said, grabbing the jar of Kompot. "I believe this is for you, then. It's called Kompot. It is sweet, non-alcoholic fruit-based beverage very popular where I come from. Great thirst quencher that won't get you in trouble from the higher-ups. Consider it a gift, if you will."

Heather took the jar and studied it. Of course she'd had beverages from a jar before, but that was moonshine and she hadn't had that in many many years. Some part of her wanted to put the drink in the medi-scanner just to be sure it wouldn't kill her. "Erm.,.. Thank you?" Heather replied not really sure how to take being given a gift after being told her music was too loud.

"So, doctor; point me where you want me." Natalya said, looking around sickbay. "I'm sure there is biobed available where we can get this done."

"The medi-computer ain't working like it should, so I ain't got much access to the crew's medical files," Heather said as she led thew way to a biobed. "So I'll leave it up to you, do you want me to do the full nine yards and update your file with a complete new scan, or should we just to a quicky?"

"Your quicky would be nice." Natalya responded. "As you can imagine, Chief of Security is very busy woman."

"Okay, then we'll dispense with the full body scan and go with a simple visual check," Heather replied and then gave Natalya the most sinister smirk. "Take yer clothes off."

"You are lucky you are medical professional comrade." Natalya pointed out as she began stripping down. "I do not strip down for simply anybody. How far down do you want me to go? Underwear only? Or all the way?"

"Undies is fine," Heather said as she grabbed her medical tricorder and began the most basic of basic scans. Of course, it didn't require anyone to take any clothing off, but Heather still liked to judge people by their reaction when asked to strip.

"Well, hopefully you won't need me to be like this for long." Natalya said as she first sat on the biobed, then brought her legs up and proceeded to assume a squatting position on the biobed. "Because you don't realize how freezing it is until you've removed your uniform, comrade."

"Not at all," Heather said and did a quick visual check of her patient while running the hand scanner over her body. She elected to male some small talk. "So, you from Earth?"

"Yes, Comrade;" Natalya nodded. "I come from Kyiv, Ukraine. Beautiful place to call home. If you're ever interested, I'd be more than happy to give you tour."

"I can't say no to an offer like that," Heather replied, she adjusted the scanner slightly, flipping a few switches and buttons on the tricorder. "I've never been to that part of Earth. I only really spent time back... home..." She paused, her eyes suddenly very sad and very distant. "Well, and San Fransisco."

"What corner of Earth do you call home, comrade?" Natalya asked, perking a curious brow.

Heather turned and sighed. "It's in North America, it was a small reservation... it's no longer there..." She turned back and gave him a sad sort of smile. "But enough about that." She snapped the tricorder shut and put the scanning wand back in place. "You can get dressed again."

"Thank blyat, (fuck,)" Natalya muttered, grabbing her uniform and pulling it back on. "So, what's the consensus? Am I fit for duty?"

"Well, my scan shows that yir organs are the wrong color," Heather said as deadpan as she could manage. "I'm gonna have to git some paint t' fix yir organs."

Natalya, however, saw right through it.

"Ah, it'll be fine." Natalya waved dismissively. "A little bit of vodka should have everything back the proper color."

"No, Vodka will make 'em blurry. Ya need moonshine whiskey," Heather replied with a laugh. "Or ya could try eatin' some crayons. Might not help, but it couldn't hurt."

"Vodka, because the mead is not ready yet." Natalya persisted. "Or I could spread some of Babushka's (grandmother's) strawberry jam on the next few butterbrods I eat. I hear that should provide coloration as effective as eating crayons and not quite as disgusting."

Heather smirked and then burst out laughing, grabbing her sides. She fought to control her laughter and finally, gasping for breath, she succeeded. "Yer funny, I like ya."

"I think we're going to get along just fine." Natalya said, placing a hand on Heather's shoulder before making her way towards the exit of sickbay."

Posting by

Lieutenant Commander Natalya Chornovil
Chief Security Officer

Lieutenant Heather Honey
Chief Medical Officer

 

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